| It always rains when I plan on actually going outside and excersizing.
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| I wish that I had something or someone to look foreward to. |
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| Hmm it seems that I have abandoned this little space of internet that I claim as mine. Fear not, for I have returned!
I doubt there will be any jubilations or wild parties thrown in my xanga's honor, but I thought I'd let those of you who do read this know one thing; I'm not dead yet.
Actually...I don't know if anyone even reads this anymore.
Hmm. |
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| Hmm.
I wonder why I am doing this. |
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| Somehow I always seem to manage to push people away from me.
I am detached, everyone is to a certain degree, but I feel that I have detached myself more than normal.
I can't seem to feel the way I did before. I can't seem to feel at all.
Have I become so afraid to feel pain that I have disabled ALL of my emotions along with it?
I just feel like an empty shell... I gotta stop doing that.
I have to stop feeling horrible about things that are out of my control.
I have to stop being such an idiot. It is all easier said than done.
I have to start taking other peoples feelings into consideration and think about the concequences of my actions.
I need to be more honest, not just with other people but myself as well.
I'm tired of the lies that I force myself to believe. It only brings pain.
It just makes me tired, Im tired of holding on to something that isn't real.
I have become so enthralled in my false truths that I dont know how to get untangled from them.
I don't know where to go. I don't know what to do. Can someone get help for this?
I don't know, but I do know that this will take a lot of self reflection. This is going to take a while. |
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